Why I Always Fall For Nice Guys
It reminds me of Sheryl Sandberg's excellent book on women in the workplace, "Lean In", where she advises women to "date the bad boys" so they can realize that they don't want them, and then find a partner who appreciates them for who they are, in a mutually respectful relationship that lasts.
The contrast seems to be getting more and more pathological as the years go by, with derogatory terms like 'simps', and immature hypermasculine stereotypes like 'chads' saturating the cultural discussion.
I know my writing will probably be drowned out by louder voices, but I have to put this out there:
Stop. Fetishizing. Chads.
Why? Because the stereotype of "Chad" is a nihilistic sociopath.
Society is built through generations of networks of sustainable relationships. This amazing society we live in wasn't built by people being blindly nihilistic, it took a lot of cooperation to make. Society doesn't work because it's an aggregate of sociopaths, it works because people are willing to support each other.
Society is also heavily reliant on systems that have longevity. I think people who push the 'Chad/Asshole' desirability thing forget the fact that they're not going to be a 'young rebel' forever - - and there's nothing even remotely attractive about a 50-year-old 'Chad'.
The only thing that Chads have going for them is they initially get more attention than nice guys - - but that's like saying that if you ran around in the street naked with a KFC chicken bucket on your head, you'd get more attention. Sure you would, but it won't make you more attractive.
Any antisocial behavior gets attention - - it doesn't automatically mean that being antisocial is a good strategy for life.
At the end of the day, I think people would be better human beings if they just spent a little less of their lives chasing trends. The guys I date (and every single one of my girlfriends, with rare exceptions, would concur) are normal, nice guys. Have I, on occasion, been in a more polarizing, unhealthy relationship? Sure, and hasn't everyone? The exceptions don't prove the rule.
In closing, I feel nature can teach us a lot. The natural world is very uncomplicated and direct in how it teaches us how to live. What am I talking about? The Bowerbird, of course. Biologists study bowerbirds as a model system for understanding the evolution of complex male sexual rituals and related processes like mate searching.
To attract females, male bowerbirds build beautiful nests and decorate them with objects they collect - shells, leaves, flowers, feathers, stones, berries, and even discarded plastic items, coins, nails, rifle shells, or pieces of glass. Males often spend hours or days arranging these nests, anticipating the visit of the female bowerbirds.
Female bowerbirds then go from nest to nest, until they find one that they select as the one they will nest and raise their young in.
As old-fashioned as that sounds, I do love the concept. Maybe that makes me an old soul in some ways, and it's hardly a feminist thing to say..but I always tend to go for guys who take care of me, who I can see myself with. Someone kind, compassionate and caring, who respects me as an equal partner.
Old-fashioned? Certainly, but it works, and that's all that matters.
Republished From Alice's Site. Source Post